Start Demanding the Respect You Deserve!

Last night, I was walking home when I passed a couple holding hands. They looked to be in their teens and were engaged in a very loud conversation. I have no idea what they were talking about but when I got closer to them I heard the guy say to the girl "I don't care because you are a freaking whore anyway". And what was the girls response? She simply laughed and said "I'm not a whore" and continued to hold his hand as they walked down the street arguing.

I was so digusted after seeing this. I am in no way passing judgment. I was in a verbally abusive relationship myself for 3 years and my mom was physically abused for a decade so I really do understand that it is not easy for women to walk away from abuse. But what really upset me was that the girl didn't even seem to know that what her boyfriend was saying to her was abuse.

I think back on my own relationship and the number of times I was called a b****, a whore, and every other disgusting name you could possibly imagine. I was cussed out daily, constantly put down, disrespected in public, and made to look like a fool in front of anyone who would listen. And when I did say you can't talk to me like that or you can't treat me this way, deep down what I really felt was this is only happening because I deserve it, if only I could be better this would stop.

And that, sadly, is the thinking of so many young girls today. It's painful for me to watch. When a guy calls a girl stupid, people laugh. When he tells her that her opinions or wants are stupid, she continues to hold his hand and act like nothing is happening. When he cusses her out and hangs up on her, she continues to call him back. When he talks badly about her in front of his friends, they all chime in and put her down too. When he talks badly about her in front of females, they all side with him putting down this poor girl without ever getting her side of the story. No one ever stops to think that something is wrong with this dude putting down the woman he claims to care about in public regardless of what she did.

This has all got to stop. But how? Can we stop abuse? Of course not, but we can fix ourselves first.

No one will give the respect you deserve unless you demand it. How do you demand it? When a guy disrespects you, stop entertaining him. You might think gee that's a little harsh but is it really? Do you really want to share the most intimate parts of yourself with someone who doesn't even care enough about you to address you by your name? Do you really want a man like that to be the father of your kids? Do you want to entrust your physical safety and well being to a man who treats you like dirt? If the answer is no, then simply don't do it! The next time that man hangs up on you, calls you a name, puts you down, embaresses you in public, makes a mockery of your feelings, or disrespects you in any way, move on to the next. Trust me, the longer you stay the worse it will get.

When I got tired of my ex using me as his punching bag, I stopped allowing him to treat me that way (I really should have left but I wasn't strong enough then). Did it make him change his behavior? No, but I changed mine. When he called me stupid I said ok, hung up the phone and went about my business. When he tried to scream at me I'd say you can call me back when you calm down until then I am not available. When I stopped entertaining his foolishness, he moved on. He left the relationship and was engaged to someone else a few months later.

A man does not have to hit you for you to be the victim of abuse. If a relationship is causing you pain, that is probably a sign. Just ask would you want this guy to be in a relationship with your best friend or your sister? If the answer is no, then why do you accept it for yourself? Remember, you deserve so much more and will never get it until you stop accepting anything less.

God Why Am I Still Single?

When I hear Christian women ask this question, a woman (who is usually married) will respond by saying "God will send you a husband when you are ready" or "marriage isn't that good anyway be happy you are single". Neither of those responses offers any encouragement to the single Christian woman who desires to be married and still has not met "the one".

I was watching an episode of TLCs Say Yes to the Dress a few weeks ago and one of the bride's featured was a 27 year old woman looking for a dress for her second wedding. I remember thinking wow, she's 27 and has already met two men she wanted to marry...I haven't even met one. It doesn't help that every time I log onto my facebook account, another one of my classmates is either engaged, married or getting ready to have a baby.

I think as a Christian I often feel that if I pray for something and don't get it, it must be because I am doing something wrong or I'm not holy enough. Well I don't think that is the answer. If God's blessings were dependant on my perfection I would never receive anything!

Yes I am a Christian but I am still a human being. And though the most important thing to me is that I marry a godly man, I also want to marry a man that I am attracted to and that I love. The attitude for a lot of Christians seems to be that the only thing that matters is that a man is a believer. So when Joe walks up to you after church and expresses interest, the fact that you are not attracted to him should not be relevant. After all how many good single Christian men are you going to meet? I firmly disagree with that. Women who aren't believers won't go out with everyone who asks them. Why should I? And it doesn't help when books by authors such as Joshua Harris are presented to young Christian girls as the absolute truth when it is nothing more than one man's experience.

The fact is that sometimes a man can possess a lot of good qualities and still not be the one for you. Sometimes the fear of never meeting someone else with those good qualities causes us to enter into unfulfilling relationships. After spending years in an unhappy relationship I can say that without a doubt, every day that I spent alone is better than any day I spent with a man who was not the one for me.

Whenever I start to get discouraged I reflect on Proverbs 10:22 which says the blessings of the Lord maketh rich and addeth no sorrow. When you receive something from the Lord it is only supposed be a positive contribution to your life not bring you pain and misery. James 1:17 says every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord. If something is not good, it is not from Him.

I refuse to settle for someone who is not for me and if that means that I'll be single longer than any of my friends then that's just the way it is going to be.

Nice Girls Marry Last?

As a child I was always told there were two types of girls: the ones guys wanted to marry and the ones they wanted to sleep with and if you fell into the latter category your reputation was ruined and no guy would publicly admit to wanting to be with you.

Things are a lot different than when I was a teenage girl. I remember when Britney Spears first came out, everyone made a big deal about her claim that she was a virgin and many were outright offended when they found out that was no longer the case. Christina Aguilera caused a stir when she made her video for "Dirty" because she was wearing a red corset, hot pants, a bra top and chaps all while dancing provocatively. R&B singer Brandy had a child with her then boyfriend and put on a sham marriage for years (there was even a reality show documenting the lie) all in an attempt to protect her "good girl" image--God forbid the world know she got knocked up. I could go on and on...

These days are different. Morality is no longer praised. The Jonas Brothers are mocked for their decision to remain chaste. Kim Khardasian has managed to make a career off of a sex tape and the world seems to adore her for it. No longer are intimate moments shared between a couple kept between that couple to be treasured and valued. It used to be your body wasn't something you revealed to just anyone. Now teenage girls (and some grown women) are posting pictures in their bra and panties on social networking sites and sleeping with anything that calls them cute.

So why the change? Most guys say they want a "good girl" to raise their kids and set a positive example for their daughters. But then you look at the media and see Kanye West flaunting a stripper as his girlfriend, countless R&B singers entering relationships with video girls, and athletes actually marrying their groupies. You would expect that to be characteristic of men that aren't believers, but now men in the church are doing it too!

So then I'm left to wonder, where do the nice girls fit in?

I know lots of nice girls that are single. Good, honest, hard working women that can't get a man. And I know plenty of not so nice ones that are not. Then I start to think, is a nice girl's lack of "experience" now a negative that makes her unappealing to men still in their 20s and not ready to give up the bachelor lifestyle to commit to a long term relationship? Well maybe. But what does it matter. Would you really want to marry the type of guy that would sleep around with any kind of woman anyway. I'm not going to wait for some guy in his mid 30s who finally wants to settle down, marry the nice girl, and have a family after he's bedded everything that even looked at him in his 20s. I don't want every woman's sloppy seconds.

Do nice girls marry last? I'm not sure. But one thing is certain. You don't have to resort to taking provocative pictures and walking around practically naked in public to get a man. Be yourself and maintain your purity. And even if you marry later than everyone else, at least you'll know that it is to a man that respects himself enough not to violate his body by sleeping with any random woman and that he has enough respect for women not to take advantage of their low self esteem. You'll know that he's with you not just for your body, but also your mind and soul. And most of all you'll know he is moral and a man of God by more than just words.

That to me is worth the wait!