Last night, I was walking home when I passed a couple holding hands. They looked to be in their teens and were engaged in a very loud conversation. I have no idea what they were talking about but when I got closer to them I heard the guy say to the girl "I don't care because you are a freaking whore anyway". And what was the girls response? She simply laughed and said "I'm not a whore" and continued to hold his hand as they walked down the street arguing.
I was so digusted after seeing this. I am in no way passing judgment. I was in a verbally abusive relationship myself for 3 years and my mom was physically abused for a decade so I really do understand that it is not easy for women to walk away from abuse. But what really upset me was that the girl didn't even seem to know that what her boyfriend was saying to her was abuse.
I think back on my own relationship and the number of times I was called a b****, a whore, and every other disgusting name you could possibly imagine. I was cussed out daily, constantly put down, disrespected in public, and made to look like a fool in front of anyone who would listen. And when I did say you can't talk to me like that or you can't treat me this way, deep down what I really felt was this is only happening because I deserve it, if only I could be better this would stop.
And that, sadly, is the thinking of so many young girls today. It's painful for me to watch. When a guy calls a girl stupid, people laugh. When he tells her that her opinions or wants are stupid, she continues to hold his hand and act like nothing is happening. When he cusses her out and hangs up on her, she continues to call him back. When he talks badly about her in front of his friends, they all chime in and put her down too. When he talks badly about her in front of females, they all side with him putting down this poor girl without ever getting her side of the story. No one ever stops to think that something is wrong with this dude putting down the woman he claims to care about in public regardless of what she did.
This has all got to stop. But how? Can we stop abuse? Of course not, but we can fix ourselves first.
No one will give the respect you deserve unless you demand it. How do you demand it? When a guy disrespects you, stop entertaining him. You might think gee that's a little harsh but is it really? Do you really want to share the most intimate parts of yourself with someone who doesn't even care enough about you to address you by your name? Do you really want a man like that to be the father of your kids? Do you want to entrust your physical safety and well being to a man who treats you like dirt? If the answer is no, then simply don't do it! The next time that man hangs up on you, calls you a name, puts you down, embaresses you in public, makes a mockery of your feelings, or disrespects you in any way, move on to the next. Trust me, the longer you stay the worse it will get.
When I got tired of my ex using me as his punching bag, I stopped allowing him to treat me that way (I really should have left but I wasn't strong enough then). Did it make him change his behavior? No, but I changed mine. When he called me stupid I said ok, hung up the phone and went about my business. When he tried to scream at me I'd say you can call me back when you calm down until then I am not available. When I stopped entertaining his foolishness, he moved on. He left the relationship and was engaged to someone else a few months later.
A man does not have to hit you for you to be the victim of abuse. If a relationship is causing you pain, that is probably a sign. Just ask would you want this guy to be in a relationship with your best friend or your sister? If the answer is no, then why do you accept it for yourself? Remember, you deserve so much more and will never get it until you stop accepting anything less.